The Difference Between Men and Women

The following is a brief outline of crazy behaviors noticed from you people out there who shop at my store:

-"Give me crispies!" a sour-smelling woman hollered at the cashier, "And you better not give me any of those dirty old ones like you always do. Crispy new ones I said!"

-A woman caked in a thick layer of white on her face, arms and legs (maybe sunblock, but who knows) approached the counter and began to sanitize all along the sides of the belt, the credit card machine and along the side walls. When she was good and ready, she emptied her basket of things. She stacked ten economy bags of sanitizing wipes and a few tubes of anti-bacterial soap. "Please put each item in a separate bag." One item per bag. (I wish I was kidding.)

-Another woman stood by the door waiting for the rain. She asked customer service to take out her ice-cream from one of the 6 bags. "Please return it to the freezer until I leave. I don't want it to melt." She stared out the window for 45 minutes. When the rain stopped, she asked someone to retrieve the ice cream. She requested two baggers to walk her out: One to carry the umbrella for her hair, and the other to wait by the door for her groceries so she could bring her car over. This woman walked quickly to her car as the bagger struggled to keep up with her hair. No more than 35 feet away, her car was parked at the handicap parking spot.

-I asked a woman, "Would you like a bag for your cheese, ma'am?" She kindly responded, "I wish you people would just stop asking me that! Of course I want a bag!"

-Five blonds walked through the check out (no, this is not the beginning to a riddle) with a basket of items: ground beef, ketchup, buns, pickles, and a few other items for what seemed like a barbeque. The total amount was $100.05, so the first blond paid with her credit card. They stood for a moment and looked at one another. The first blond said, "Can everyone pay me back with cash?" And they looked at one another again. "Well, how much do we pay?" the second blond asked. The third blond handed her friend $25. Another blond girl gave her a $10. The fourth blond asked, "How much is that divided by...?" She counted the blonds, but forgets to include herself. "What's four divided by 100?" And they looked at each other again. Finally, the first blond says, "Ugh! Let's just figure it out later." They all leave in one cluster all flustered from all that thinking. (I wish I was kidding.)

-A woman wants 5 cents rebate for her bag. She buys a single carton of yogurt and demands another 25 cents off for her coupon. "Ma'am, I'm sorry. It says buy 5 and receive money off." She scowls. "Fine! But I get my 5 cent bag rebate!" And leaves with the yogurt in her hand.

-A woman throws old bags at me. I started to fill her purchases and the smell of old shoes linger among those bags as if they were a hundred years old. She bought the usual array of produce and packaged goodness, but among the 7 apples, 3 of them had teeth marks and chunks bitten out. The cashier and I shared a moment.

-A man comes and buys 7 jugs of plain yogurt and 7 jugs of pre-washed grapes. I have seen him twice in two days purchasing the same things with nothing more than "thank you" to say to me.

-A man walked through check out with two boxes from self-serve food. The total cost $79. He pays, thanks me for binding them with rubber bands, denies the bag and runs out the door.

-A man comes in and buys: 7 frozen dinners, 8 jugs of juice, a 6-pack of root beer and 4 bags of chips, thanks me and leaves.

-A man comes in and buys a carton of whey protein, a gallon of milk and a pre-made sandwich. He doesn't need a bag, pays and leaves the store without his receipt or change.

Need I say more?